How to Piss People Off on a Plane

1. Bring your handbag, laptop carrying case, a suitcase that doesn’t really fit in the overhead compartment, and your little drugged out dog that you will stash cram under the seat in front of you.
2. Make sure the child you bring is almost 2, therefore fidgety, loud, wanting to run all over the plane, and not sleep (that was my contribution to this trip).
3. Kick your tray table as many times as you can in four minutes.
4. Flail your arms and elbows into the person sitting next to you (who is using your armrest and half of your seat because their large ass can’t fit on just one seat. Does that mean they should pay for half of my ticket?)
5. Take a huge crap in the bathroom, so the plane smells hot and fruity for the remaining two hours of the trip.
6. Cough and sneeze a lot, and make sure they sound really juicy and gross.
7. Ask me to get up, and out of my seat as soon as my child (see #2) falls asleep on top of me.
8. Please, Mr Pilot, can you scream louder into the PA?
9. Look at my portable DVD player with the Elmo Goes Potty music streaming out, and act like it is bothering you.
10. Eat something smelly, like an onion sandwich, and breathe in my direction.